he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
