i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
