I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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