the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
