Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
