i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize