for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
