Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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