I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize