I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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