I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
