i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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