I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
