i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
