Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
