i permit you to call me
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
