So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I am naked and annoyed.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The Olympian is in my bed
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
