Who wears a wallet chain?!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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