it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
