dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
