I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
