I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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