She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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