I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
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Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
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She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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