I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
