why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
