DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
