toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I am available for nakedness
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
