Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Your cock deserves a montage
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
