i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
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Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
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I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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