.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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