And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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