Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
