he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
