I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
