Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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