Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
