I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
