your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
