There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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