Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
