census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
