your parents love me but you hate me
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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