if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
