Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
