Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
