addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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