Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
