So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
