so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
