she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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