i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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