This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
