Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
