im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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