so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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