Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
