Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
