she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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