You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
