good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
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She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
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If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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