Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
