this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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