she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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