I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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