Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
