I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
