New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
