Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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