Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
